A guide to etiquette for dancing
A Tea Dance is a lot of fun and a great chance to meet people who enjoy dancing as much as you do. The music is always good, and there’s tea/coffee and chocolate available! However, if this is your first Tea Dance, you may feel a little nervous about what to expect or unsure of how to ask someone to dance. I’ve written this guide to help you understand dance floor etiquette and settle your nerves. We teach this information in our classes, but I hope this is a valuable reference point for those new to partner dancing, and a good reminder for more experienced dancers, too! Let’s start with some definitions…
Etiquette: The customs or rules governing behaviour regarded as correct or acceptable in social or official life.
Floorcraft: Floorcraft refers to how dancers move on the dance floor. Good floorcraft is the basis of polite social dancing and helps to make everyone feel comfortable and welcome. It is the ability to politely share space and navigate a busy dance floor effectively, elegantly and with consideration for others. It is both a technical skill and a social skill. These skills take time to develop - we do not expect to be an ‘expert’ straight away. Everyone is at different stages of learning, so please be patient and polite with each other as you learn and improve. However, if you are a demonstrably polite and considerate human being, you’re already halfway there!
Good Manners: Polite social behaviour.
You may be new to dance floor etiquette, and you may have only just started learning about floorcraft, but if you have good manners you are already a third of the way to becoming a lovely social dancer!
The topics I have covered in this guide are as follows:
Understanding the dance floor
Confidence on the dance floor
Who can ask Who to dance?
How to ask someone to dance
How to respond to being asked to dance
Escorting your dance partner to and from their seat
How to enter and exit the dance floor
Respecting personal space
Which steps to dance with someone you’ve never danced with before
How to avoid treading on your partner’s toes
How to dance on a crowded dance floor
Talking while dancing
How to exit a dance part way through a song
What to do if you are uncomfortable or in pain while dancing
What to do if your partner doesn’t dance in time to the music
What to do if you lead one thing but the follower dances something completely different!
What to do and say if you accidentally bump into someone on the dance floor
How to deal with falls
Personal tips
Let’s get to it!
Understanding the dance floor
The dance floor is for dancing only: Please respect dancers by leaving the floor if you are not dancing. Designated seating areas are for chatting with friends and for refreshments.
Dance safely: Aerial steps and wild kicks are not permitted on a social dance floor.
Protect the dance floor: Please wear clean and appropriate shoes, with heel protectors as necessary. Please do not add talc or any other substance to the dance floor.
Line of dance: In all travelling dances (all of the Ballroom dances, plus Samba and Paso Doble), the flow of dance on the dance floor is anti-clockwise only. This is called the ‘line of dance’. While dancing in the line of dance, dancers should not cross the centre line of the room. They should also dance up towards a corner before dancing along the next wall.
Sharing the space: Move to the centre of the dance floor if you would like to dance something on the spot, while other dancers use the outer areas to travel around the dance floor.
A few additional points for your consideration:
1. Please be respectful of all skill levels, experience, and personal space.
2. Music has the power to evoke a wide range of emotions – please be kind and considerate of each other’s feelings and reactions.
3. Be thoughtful and respect the social occasion – please do not correct (or lecture!) your dance partner at a social occasion.
4. It is your responsibility to let your dance partner know of any issues that could cause discomfort while dancing.
5. Occasional accidental collisions can occur. If this happens, no matter how small, please do not ignore it – show that you care by politely asking if the other couple is okay.
6. You are encouraged to applaud at the end of each song, to show appreciation for each other and the music.
2. Confidence on the dance floor
Healthy self-esteem: Everyone is at a different stage in their dancing lives. But how do you feel if you are a beginner, with only a few months or a year’s experience, getting up to dance with those who have far more experience than you? Hopefully, you will find the dance floor a friendly space, but sometimes we can negatively compare ourselves to others, devaluing ourselves and what we have learnt. Please don’t get into the habit of doing this to yourself – it’s a hard habit to break. It is good to have an accurate view of your current dancing ability, as it ensures you dance safely and encourages a growth mindset that embraces continuous learning, but don’t let what you don’t know (yet!) pull you down. Instead, celebrate the present, and be excited about all the lovely steps and techniques you have yet to learn! Be patient – you are attending classes to learn more (anything worth learning well takes time) and you have been brave enough to go to a Tea Dance for the first time too – so, how cool are you! Believe in what you have been taught and dance with pride! And make sure to applaud other dance couples, as they may secretly be having a low self-esteem day too.
Experience: If you are a less experienced dancer, you may tend to quickly run out of the way of more experienced dancers if you see them coming – but you have just as much right to be on the dance floor as they do! Experienced dancers will know steps and floorcraft techniques to politely dance around or safely overtake you if they need to; if they don’t, it’s a good exercise for them. Don’t jump out of their way – stand firm and dance!
Words and body language: When you dance with someone, you are dancing as a couple/team, and your attitude affects your teammate. The person you are dancing with may have used up all of their courage to attend the Tea Dance in the first place, and then a bit more to ask you to dance, so please be careful with your words and body language. If your first dance together is full of hilarious lead-and-follow complications, it is fun to have a giggle about it, but please be kind and caring too. You don’t want a few careless remarks or a grumpy look to put a dent in your teammate’s confidence.
Facial expressions: Dancing with good floorcraft demands a lot of focus, which can translate to some hilariously grumpy-looking facial expressions! If you come face-to-face with one of these expressions, it can be pretty scary as a beginner! Don’t be scared – focus on enjoying the music, your dance, and dancing with your dance partner. On the flip side, if you are the person with the serious-scary-grumpy-looking-thinking-face, then please note that the odd smile here and there goes a long way to making the dance floor a welcoming place!
3. Who can ask Who to dance?
Both leaders and followers can ask someone to dance! Historically, it would have been up to the leader to do this, but it is now very acceptable for the follower to ask someone to dance. To help create a friendly and encouraging atmosphere, it is good manners to ask dancers of all skill levels. Dancing with a complete beginner can be just as rewarding and as fun as dancing with someone who has danced for years!
4. How to ask someone to dance
Politely approach the person you wish to ask to dance from the front (and with a friendly smile!) so that they can see you. I have found that the easiest way to ask someone to dance is to give them an option: “Hello! Are you resting at the moment, or would you like to dance?” This creates the opportunity for a friendly exchange if they are unable to dance at the time of asking. If they are hard of hearing or if the music is loud, an outstretched hand may help them to understand what you have asked. Accept their first answer with grace, do not push them to reconsider, as their answer should be respected – and they may actually need to rest!
5. How to respond to being asked to dance
You have a choice! Always be polite and start with “Thank you for asking…” (with a friendly smile!) as it takes a lot of guts to ask someone to dance. Then continue with something along the lines of “…that would be lovely, thank you” or “…I’m sorry but I’m resting at the moment”. If you have declined to dance, it is polite to sit out the rest of that song/dance. TOP TIP: If you would prefer to sit and soak up the atmosphere instead of dancing for a while, a clear signal that you are unavailable for dances would be to take off your dance shoes.
6. Escorting your dance partner to and from their seat
It is an elegant practice to gently escort your dance partner to and from their seat at the beginning and end of a dance. The leader offers the fingertips of their right hand (outstretched and held high) for the follower to gently place their left hand on top of. A lower handhold could be thought of as being too ‘familiar’. Keep this high-hand position until you are almost ready to start dancing. It is important to tell your dance partner at this time of any pain or movement restrictions you are experiencing, to help prevent injury or discomfort while dancing. At the end of the dance, escort your partner back to their seat in the same manner and kindly thank them for the dance. Offering the right hand harks back to the days when a sword was part of the military uniform – the sword would sit on the left hip, and they would use their left hand to steady it, leaving the right hand free. Please also see point 7. How to enter and exit the dance floor.
7. How to enter and exit the dance floor
Please do not cross the dance floor; join from the outer edges. If you enter the dance floor partway through a song, please be polite to the dancers already on the dance floor. Be cautious if the dance floor is busy: please wait at the side of the dance floor for an adequate space to join, and, before joining, try to catch the eye of the dancer closest to you for a quick nod of assent to allow you to enter the line of dance in front of them. Lead your partner onto the floor with the high hand hold described in point 6, and, when in place, release the hold to allow for a personal choice regarding personal space/body positioning. When exiting the dance floor, again use the high hand position to walk to the edge of the dance floor closest to you and back to your seats, thanking each other for the dance.
8. Respecting personal space
Body positioning: It is common for Ballroom dancers to dance very closely, as this helps with turning and other techniques. In a social situation, however, this may not be appropriate as the person you are dancing with may be new to dancing, have movement or balance issues, or may not want to dance closely. Everyone has a choice, and if there is any doubt, ask them how close they would like to dance – respect their answer and adjust your frame and steps accordingly. Whether you are a leader or a follower, you can always request more space by politely saying, “I’m uncomfortable, I need a bit more space, please”. You don’t need to explain further.
Posture and frame: Practise good posture so you do not lean over your dance partner or compromise the dance frame. Doing so could unintentionally intimidate your partner, restrict their movement or even injure them!
Hand positioning: Hands can fly everywhere in Latin dancing – especially if you are new to it! Attend classes to learn quality hand placement techniques to ensure your hand doesn’t end up somewhere it shouldn’t! Always apologise if you notice an errant hand position!
9. Which steps to dance with someone you’ve never danced with before
At a Tea Dance, you may find yourself dancing with people who have different levels of experience and skill. So, how do you know which steps to dance with someone you’ve never danced with before? The most important thing is to be attentive towards your partner - use your prep steps to get in tune with your partner, take your time and only move on from those prep steps when you feel in tune. You can gently test the waters and try out some basic figures first, building up as you go and seeing what happens! Be mindful and attentive, respect personal space and limitations – never force your partner into a dance step which may be too much for them.
10. How to avoid treading on your partner’s toes
Ballroom: If you stand directly in front of your partner, it is very easy to tread on your partner’s toes as you take a step. This is partly the reasoning behind the ‘offset’ body positioning we use in Ballroom, where the follower dances to the leader’s right hip, allowing the legs (and therefore the feet!) to interlink instead of lining up directly. Secondly, as you learn more about dancing, you will know that the body moves first – not the feet! This body movement will send your partner’s leg/foot away from your incoming foot. And thirdly, accurate tracking is essential. Tracking is like tracing a line on the floor with your foot as you move it – because you are feeling for where you are going, you will feel if your partner’s foot (or a foot from another dancing couple!) is in the way before putting full weight on it. These skills take a while to develop, and accidents do happen, as it takes both dancers to position, track, and move accurately. If you do tread on your partner’s toes, please try to do so as softly as possible! Acknowledge it and offer to escort them back to their seat. If the problem recurs, keep it in mind and query this in your next class.
Latin, Bachata & Vintage: This is generally never a problem, as there is much more space between the leader and follower in hold!
Kizomba: Kizomba is led from the chest. The upright-forward posture, with a connection point at chest level, is a significant part of Kizomba's styling and feel. This will leave space between the pelvis, legs and feet of the leader and follower, meaning that toes shouldn’t be trodden on. Throughout the dance, steps should be taken gently – so if an accident does happen, it should at least be gentle!
11. How to dance on a crowded dance floor
Ballroom and the travelling Latin dances: Good floorcraft is a skill which takes time to develop. To start with, focus on your body positioning. Offset positioning will allow both leader and follower to maintain a clearer view of the dancefloor at all times – keep this throughout to improve your floorcraft skills. Please immediately lower your frame to a very low and compact hold if you or your dancing partner sees that you are getting close to another dancing couple. This will take sharp elbows out of the equation! You may have to adjust your steps and/or step size to dance ‘on the spot’ on a very crowded floor. Never direct your steps towards another dancing couple – you may expect them to move by the time you reach them, but they may not! And if you feel that you can elegantly ‘overtake’ to reach a less crowded part of the floor, please do so politely.
Cha Cha Cha, Rumba, Jive, and Vintage: Again, never direct your steps towards another dancing couple. Please keep tone in the frame/hold to allow for last-minute changes of direction to avoid collisions!
Kizomba: This dance is so dreamy that it is easy to close your eyes and forget about everything as you dance! The hold is already compact, the dancers are slightly offset, and the steps are generally gentle, so there is no need to make any changes there. Do try to keep at least one eye open to be aware of who is dancing near you from time to time!
Bachata: Depending on your style and expression, this dance can take up a small amount of space… or quite a lot of space! Make sure to lower your hand hold if other dancers are close by, keeping your steps small until there is room to stretch out a little if you want to – an excellent opportunity to work on your musicality!
12. Talking while dancing
It is definitely okay to chat with your dance partner when you are dancing at a Tea Dance! However, please ensure this doesn’t distract you from dancing responsibly and with good floorcraft. On the other hand, please don’t be upset if your dance partner is thinking too hard about their steps and floorcraft to chat with you!
13. How to exit a dance part way through a song
There may be a situation where you need to end the dance partway through. Maybe you are feeling unwell or your feet hurt from too much dancing! It is okay to end a dance. Speak to your dance partner and politely say that you need to sit down/step away briefly. Your dance partner should kindly escort you back to your seat.
14. What to do if you are uncomfortable or in pain while dancing
Everybody’s body is different; we all have ouchy bits, and your dance partner is not an expert on YOUR body. Please tell your dance partner immediately if you are uncomfortable or if they are hurting you in any way. Your comfort and enjoyment matter, and staying silent or waiting until the dance is over is pointless. An easy way to approach this would be by saying: “Ouch! Can we adjust this, please?” However, this works both ways – the adjustment they make for you could then be uncomfortable for them, so then you have fun trying to work out the best way for both of you! Please also see my notes in point 8. Respecting personal space.
15. What to do if your partner doesn’t dance in time to the music
The perception and interpretation of music are vast subjects, unique to each individual! There are many things which can influence this. Here are a few things to consider:
Those new to dancing: It can be easy to mishear the music or lose the beat – especially when you add in nerves, a momentary lapse in focus, and trying to think about what feels like a hundred different things at once! It takes time to understand the rhythms and music of all the dances you may come across at a Tea Dance. Don’t worry - no one expects you to be an expert.
Hearing Impairments: Some people have trouble moving in time with the music due to a (known or unknown) hearing impairment – people hear different things in the music, some beats are easier to hear than others, and a hearing impairment can make it very difficult to fathom which beat is which, especially when there is background noise such as chatting and laughter. Moving to a quieter spot on the dance floor or nearer to the speaker can help.
Physical abilities: There may be a physical element to consider – they may have a (known or unknown) medical condition or physical impairment, be in pain, or be feeling fatigued. Be vigilant and aware of their body language and movements.
How to help: Firstly, make sure that you can hear the music and dance in time with it yourself! If the person you are dancing with is struggling to find the beat, please be patient with them. You can discreetly help them by gently tapping the beat out on their hand so that they can feel it, by keeping your steps small to allow them the chance to ‘catch up’ and be on balance, and by keeping your posture and frame clear so that you don’t overwhelm them with poor signals. Perhaps you would like to move to the centre of the dance floor to dance on the spot with them, while allowing other dance couples to move around the floor. And you could even dance at their pace instead of being in time to the music. In most social circumstances, it is far more dignified to have a good connection and move in harmony (and safely) with your dance partner to promote a generally positive experience than it is to try to force someone to be in time with the music when they really can’t be, perhaps through no fault of their own. I am not promoting dancing out of time with the music, just a little caring and consideration for whoever you are dancing with.
16. What to do if you lead one thing but the follower dances something completely different!
This could be a “whoops!” or “wow!” moment depending on your attitude! There are a whole host of reasons why this could have happened:
It could have been a genuine mistake!
The step could be completely new to them.
Your lead might not have been very clear – keep this in mind and query it at your next class.
Some people have entrenched movement patterns and expect to dance a certain move after you have initiated the first step of something.
Your partner might be more practised in a different dance genre, and your lead might have a completely different meaning in that dance genre!
Sometimes people slip into a daydream when dancing and lose focus…
In all cases, be polite and have a giggle about it – you are at a social dance after all! Keep your balance, posture, and frame, and do not be pulled into dancing something that you don’t want to do (let go of your partner if you feel that your balance might be compromised), or if you are okay with it then you can follow them and see what happens! If you need to pause to regroup your thoughts, that’s fine too.
17. What to do and say if you accidentally bump into someone on the dance floor
The dance floor can be very busy at times, and an accidental collision will happen occasionally. If it does happen, please do not ignore it – regardless of how gentle it was or whose fault it was… show that you care by politely asking if the other couple is okay. Stop dancing and kindly offer to escort the other couple back to their seat, seeking help if necessary.
18. How to deal with falls
Hopefully, these instances will be few and far between, but it is always good to consider it a possibility. Reasons for a fall could include wearing shoes with slippery soles, a momentary loss of balance or focus, illness, or getting your feet ‘muddled’ when dancing to fast music.
If you sense your dance partner is starting to fall, you will probably try to steady them, but I want to issue a warning: you may be pulled down on top of them if they fall, which could make the situation worse. If possible, let go of your dance partner. It may sound uncaring, but by letting go, you are giving them the space and opportunity to use their own hands to protect themselves/their head as they fall. You can then safely attend to them.
If you are the one who is falling, please do not try to cling to your dance partner, as this may hurt them, jar their back, or pull them down on top of you, injuring both of you in the process. It sounds counterintuitive to let go, but it makes for a safer outcome.
Falling can be a shock, so please take the time to rest, seek help if needed, and monitor each other for a little while. Please don’t be embarrassed – even the best dancers have had a fall or two!
19. Personal tips
Partner dancing is a close-contact sport – here are some tips to make dancing more enjoyable for you and your dance partner!
Clothes: Wear clean clothes to limit unpleasant body odours. And I seriously hate having to mention this, but a Tea Dance is held in a public place, so please wear undergarments to contain anything that could flop about when dancing or give another person an inadvertent eyeful!
Shoes: Please do not bring muddy or wet shoes into a dance venue. Also, dance shoes can stink to high heaven at times! Clean them as necessary.
Handwashing: Please remember to wash your hands frequently, especially after the loo!
Sweating: Dancing is exercise and you will sweat. Sweating is a normal and natural process which helps regulate your body temperature. However, if you are anxious about sweating in front of your dance partner, here are a few tips for you:
Wear layers and breathable fabrics.
A small towel or flannel is a good thing to have on hand to dab away sweat.
A handheld fan can help you cool down on hot days.
Wearing black clothing can hide minor sweat marks!
Some dancers like to bring a change of clothes with them (mostly just the top half) to change into after a few dances – a fresh-feeling treat for themselves and the person they are dancing with!
Deodorant/perfume/aftershave: It’s lovely to smell nice, but please avoid using excessive amounts as this can make it uncomfortable to dance with you.
Fresh breath: A regular toothbrushing routine will take care of most things, but if you are worried, then please bring some mints with you (I'm always chomping on them). Luckily, the offset positioning in Ballroom allows you to breathe freely through your nose/mouth when dancing without disturbing your partner!
Hairstyles: Please be aware that high hairstyles require extra room when dancing an underarm turn! Also, long and loose hair can be dangerous when dancing, as it can fly up and hit your dance partner across the face – please secure your hair!
… and at the end of all of that… may I wish you Happy Dancing!
With best wishes,
Emma
